Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
