honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there was a trapeze. enough said
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
