The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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