some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
