I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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