I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
