in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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