there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
