wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
