Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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