Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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