I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
