just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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