Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
