you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
