I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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