I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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