need another drink. this is the easiest way
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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