He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
