i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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