the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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