Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
