the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
