Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
