There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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