omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
