i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
