Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
