We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
