dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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