I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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