Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
