I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
