help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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