And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
