I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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