these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
