you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
