I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
