omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
