DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
