Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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