I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
