you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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