we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
