Do you still have your period?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
