ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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