he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
