My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
