Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
