Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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