Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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